“Will the person you marry change you?”

“Will the person you marry change you?” … In the BaZi perspective, strictly speaking – the answer is No.

Because your BaZi chart is fixed the moment you were born. The chart doesn’t change just because you married someone.

However, having said that – the person you marry has the greatest INFLUENCE over you. Simply because – PROXIMITY- is the most powerful influence in life.

Think about it - the people you hang out with will also influence you. Let alone your spouse whom you spend the most time and is the closest with. You become more like a winner if you hangout with winners all the time. You think and behave more like a loser if all your close circle of friends are losers.

Proximity is power.

And what if you are married to a loser? Don’t you think day in day out his behavior would influence you more than just a bit?
But did your BaZi chart change as a result of marrying a loser?

Nope. You are still the same you, with the same chart.

Will your BaZi chart change (and turn you into a spiteful and vengeful person, never trusting any other men on earth) just because you found out your spouse had an affair?

Nope. You still have the SAME chart.

So technically – you are the same you.

But the question is – are you behaving at the ‘healthiest’ level of your BaZi chart? Or perhaps are you behaving at the most ‘unhealthiest’ level? Many people didn’t know this could be a conscious CHOICE.

Influence from other people can only help activate or deactivate certain aspects of your BaZi chart. How do you know if their influence has positive or negative impact? This will depend on the type of BaZi chart of that person. The dynamics between two BaZi chart can tell us what type of influence one may have on another.

Generally, if your partner’s chart contains many of your favourable elements, you would find that he/she is a positive influence in your life. Conversely, if your partner's chart contains many clashes with you or worst, contains many of your negative elements - you will find that in the long run he/she is a negative influence in your life.

There are many people who are obsessed with ‘finding the right partner’ through BaZi. They want to look for a person who “brings them luck” or is “good for them”. I always try to explain to them – their partner or potential partner can never “bring them luck”. They can, however through their BaZi (character, personality and actions) only INFLUENCE you positively (or negatively). They cannot change you if you don't want to.

At the end of day it is still YOU who decides to accept (or reject) their influence and change for the better or worst.

Remember - Only you can change YOU.

By Joey Yap